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Words by: Niki Bartl

Image by: magnetbox

You know the saying “I’ll sleep when I’m dead?” I don’t understand that saying. I love to sleep. And thus, by natural extension, I also love to nap. Sometimes you lie down to nap, the stars align, and you end up with a nap so good that you can taste it, and it tastes delicious.

I’ve been an avid napper since high school, arriving home at 4 pm and promptly flopping into bed to take a 20 minute nap. And in the following years, I collected various nap experiences, each a unique event in its own right. So, without further ado, I present to you the Connoisseur’s Guide to Napping.

The Hangover Nap: You’ve had a very late night out, with perhaps too much to drink, but have to get up the next morning to, say, go to work. You struggle to get through as much of the day as possible and then head home to have The Hangover Nap. The Hangover Nap is the grand-daddy of all naps, as it usually occurs in bed and it usually lasts more than an hour. It’s the amateur napper’s nap, as even those who don’t like to sleep in the afternoon will normally succumb to this type of rest.

The Disco Nap: The antithesis of The Hangover Nap, the Disco Nap is for those days where you’ve have a long day and know that you are about to have a long night ahead of you. I find that the best Disco Naps are about 20 minutes to a half hour long, as any longer and you’ll have difficulty getting back into the party mood. Some loud music and drinks immediately upon waking will help if you do end up dozing for an hour. Disco Naps are also rated E for easy – anyone can do it if you’ve had a long and stressful day.

The Just For The Sake Of It Nap: It’s a lazy Saturday afternoon, and you’re lying on the couch bathed in a patch of sunshine. Why not?

The Rainy Day Nap: It’s a lazy Saturday afternoon watching movies because it’s pouring out, and you’re lying on the couch. Why not?

The Morning Nap: You’ve gotten up, made breakfast, and for some reason still feel tired enough that you could sleep another couple of hours but choose to lie down on the couch to watch some TV instead. You find yourself gently dozing off to the smooth sounds of That’s So Raven, and wake up a half hour later refreshed and ready to start your day. I particularly love the morning nap after my Saturday morning workout – nothing is more enjoyable than going back to bed after a good morning Spin class. This nap is for expert nappers only, as justifying going back to sleep so soon after you have woken up can be quite difficult sometimes.

Two Person Naps: The hardest of all naps to attempt, as two people must both be sleepy enough to nap and there’s double the potential for distraction. These naps should only be attempted under dire circumstances when there’s no possible way that the two of you will stay awake.

Of course, there are also the endless combinations and permutations of any or all of the above naps to be discovered – all you need is somewhere to crash, and you’ll be well on your way to finding your own perfect nap.

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